As I sit down to write this, I have just finished writing my last final of my second year of university. And let me tell you, it has been a wild ride. If you told me a year ago how much I would grow over the past year I would have told you you are CRAZY. This year shook me to my core. I had some of the best experiences of my life that I will truly cherish forever and I have spent nights crying on my bedroom floor. But we will get to that…
Last August I made a big decision. Probably the biggest decision I’ve ever made. After spending years thinking I would become an engineer I realized that’s not what I wanted to do, and I wasn’t going to spend nearly 7 years in school doing what other people wanted me to do. Instead I needed to find what was right for me. I took a leap of faith and decided on Economics with a minor in business. I’d taken a business class and an economics class the year before as electives and was wildly fascinated the entire time, so I ran with it. I knew almost instantly that I’d made the right decision. I was constantly excited to go to class, I met people in class I really liked and I started getting my best grades yet.
I worked hard to put myself out their and met some incredible people, that I’m quite confident will be in my life for a very long time. One of these people in particular started off as a friend but I fell hard, and fast and it was like nothing I’ve ever felt before. After a couple months of being on cloud nine however it came crashing to an end and I experienced my first true heartbreak. *Cue the nights spent crying on my bedroom floor*
Anyone who knows me, knows that I’m a hopeless romantic. Over the past year I’ve found it to be both a blessing and a curse. Before this year I couldn’t imagine the soul crushing feeling that someone could inflict upon you (I should clarify that they are not a bad person, this just hit me like a ton of bricks). And despite it being a feeling that I wish I could’ve never felt, it taught me a lot.
It taught me strength. 3 months ago I didn’t know how I was ever going to get through this, but now I know I can, I will, and with time I’ll be better, in fact things are looking better already. It taught me that I can’t control timing. Despite how badly I want to. It served as a reminder to reflect and then try to let go. Despite causing a lot of pain, this whole situation had me on cloud nine at one point. To avoid the ‘I wish I never met him’ mindset I needed to remember the good times, but then I needed to let go of them, because things have changed and I need to move on.
And then a global pandemic hit. Never in a million years did I see this coming. A month and a half early I had to pack up everything I own overnight and move back to my parents house before the border shut down. Classes and finals were completed online and all the end of year celebrations I had been looking forward to, cancelled.
A year that started off with so much certainty became confusing and uncertain. I’ve had to accept that its time to let go of the reigns because planning for the future isn’t an option right now. I came away from this year a little bit more guarded, but with memories that fill me so full of love.
When I think back to this year I think of coffee dates, beach walks and late night spent in the library. There were long drives with people I love, I laughed until my stomach hurt, a couple late nights spent dancing downtown with my favourite people and Friday afternoon sangrias. Second year threw a lot at me, but I am so grateful for every single second of it.
XO Cassidy Hannah